The Difference Between Want and Interested

For a very long time, I believe, I was interested in losing weight.  I was interested in getting healthy, getting smaller, being active.  For a while it worked.  I was restricting my food, running 6 days a week, and religiously watching the scale daily.  If I was up, even a tenth of a pound, I felt defeated.

I was tracking with WeightWatchers online, and working my butt off, literally.

I was thin.  But I couldn’t see it.  I still thought that I needed to lose like 20 pounds.  I was desperate.  I became self destructive.  I was not mentally well, and it showed.  I started gaining weight and, again, felt defeated.

3 years later, and here I am.  Starting all over.

This picture disgusts me.

I look at this picture, and choose not to feel defeated.  I am choosing to feel empowered.  I am choosing to use this as a spring board.  I know where I have been, and I know I can get back there.

I want to lose weight this time.  I am far beyond interested.  I want to be healthy.  I want to look in the mirror and feel good about myself.  I want to fit into my cute clothes I own.  I want to wear a bathing suit and not feel ashamed.  I want to walk up stairs and not feel dead at the top.

I want to be a better wife, and feel positive for my husband.  He believes I am beautiful regardless of size, and I want to be that for him.  I need to actually believe that I am.  That starts now.

The difference between wanting and interested is simply a wake up.  You choose everyday to be better than yesterday.  You will slip up.  You will fall off the wagon.  You will wish that you could be happy at your heavier weight, but then you realize that you need to be.  You can’t change if you aren’t accepting of yourself.  You have to choose this every. Signal. Day.

I’m choosing this today.